DAILY LIST: Best Beards

This list makes no sense. I’m just jealous that I cannot grow a beard myself, but then again who would want to be able to grow a grotesque beard. So here we go, the best beards in music, tv and movies are compiled right here for you all to see.

11. Sam Beam

Sam Beam is Iron and Wine. Iron and Wine is folk. That beard says hey guys lets go in the back and smoke some weed…Or does it? I’m not sure. He’s got the hippie vibe going but I don’t think he is. He makes the list for his awesome music.

10. Spencer Pratt

I don’t know who this guy is. Apparently he’s a guy a tv show. That tv show is apparently called “the Hills.” What makes him stand out is the fact that his beard is FLESH COLORED! Yes you read it right there, flesh colored beard. WTF. That should be like number 1 but why isn’t it? Well there are better beards.

9. Jason Schwartzman

The actor turned musician (drummer of Phantom Planet, all of Coconut Records) dons a very handsome beard. Yes, it does make him look caveman like and well less appealing. Schwartzman is a very talented actor (Rushmore, I ❤ Huckabees, Scott Pilgrim vs The World) but I honestly don’t want to see this man sport this beard on tour for the next Coconut album.

8. Al Borland

While most people would think Al Borland shouldn’t fit on this list he does. His beard isn’t super epic but god damn is it iconic. Borland was Tim the Tool Man Taylor’s assistant for many many years yet that beard remained the same. Talk about some serious hardcore manscapping.

7. Ringo Starr

When searching for “epic beards” under Google images Ringo appeared more than once. Ringo thus automatically made the list even though he is the least favorite of the Beatles. You could see Ringo sporting odd and intricate beards and other types of facial hair. You’re probably wondering who else makes this list if Ringo ain’t that high. Well Ringo is forgetful to everyone so he’s not up there…not yet.

6. Conan O’Brien (CoCo)

CoCo was always clean shaven but when we find out that he’s being sacked by NBC he starts to go with that I don’t give a rats ass what I look like persona. CoCo though through the past year has gained huge favor from fans and other people alike while doing a damn good job manscaping that lovely beard. I think he still has it.

5. Zach Galifinakis

Up until about a year or so ago most people would look at this guy and assume he was a regular joe. Well Zach (I hate spelling your last name!) is a pretty funny guy if you’ve seen him doing his stand up and even on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show. But what made him notoriously well known was the hit comedy The Hangover. Yep, that’s where this awesome beard made itself known. Surely this one should be higher but it only gets better from here on.

4. Joaquin Phoenix

Remember when this guy was relevant? Yeah me neither. Phoenix used to be a respectable actor who survived the horrors of stardom unlike his brother River. Well shortly after being a huge success with the Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line, Phoenix quit acting and said I’m gonna be a rapper. Well to this day I don’t think Phoenix has made a single album. Yet he manages to maintain that nice hobo beard there on a regular basis. Joaquin, we need you to hit that home run again (reference to the movie Signs btw).

3. Brad Pitt

Now this is not a homo sentence here but Brad Pitt is a very handsome man. He is what every man probably at one point wanted to be like, that is until he sported that monstrosity on his face. I’m not even sure where this began, was it after Inglorious Basterds or before? Or even after he pretty much stopped acting and started having love life problems? I don’t know, nor do I care. After having seen him slowly grow that beast I can say that’s one epic piece of facial hair even if its nasty as Hitler’s face.

2. Luke Wilson

Luke Wilson starred in a movie called The Royal Tenenbaums (which is one of my 3 faves). In this movie he sports probably one of the most epic beards in the 21st century (I probably am wrong but whatever). He leaves this itchfest on his face for almost the entire movie until he decides it’s time for a change and well if you’ve seen the movie you know what happens. Anyways Wilson looks like a caveman with this pieces of fur on his face but you know what, it’s pretty damn bada$$.

1. Alan Moore

Alan Moore hates you. Flat out, I guarantee that he will hate you. Did you see any of the following movies? Watchmen, V For Vendetta, From Hell, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? If you answered yes to any of them he hates you and wishes you ill. Moore is one of the most well renowned comic book authors of all time. Yeah he wrote all those comics with the help of a good artist. Well Moore became a recluse and began to sport a terrorist-esque beard. God this man is so creepy even his cartoon version is  scary as shit:

Yeesh. But yes I know we left out lots of crazy beards, but if there are any that stand out to you feel free to post or send a hatemail via email to CometAppears@gmail.com